Getting out of Limbo Land: Making Decisions on Fertility Treatments
Often, making a decision about what we are going to wear to work, eat for breakfast, or make for dinner can be challenging. We have to admit that even for life’s most basic questions we resort to the pros and cons list! And while resorting to the plus-minus activity to answer the red vs the black shoe debate, imagine how long the list will be when you are deciding on what treatment plan to choose when it comes to your fertility. Timed intercourse vs IUI, acupuncture vs massage, supplements vs herbs, clomid vs letrozole, IVF with a fresh transfer vs IVF with a frozen transfer (FET) - the list goes on! Like a buffet table in an all-inclusive resort, it can be pretty overwhelming. Obviously, we tend to recommend an integrative approach of Eastern and Western medicine, but what that looks like is different for each patient.
We are not here to recommend that you isolate yourself to “half of the buffet” (a little variety is always good!) but to help you decide how to make the best decision for you and your fertility. As a simple rule, we have found that, when you are faced with a difficult decision, you should remember your ABCs. No, your eyes are not deceiving you, and no, we aren’t recommending that you break out into song…we are recommending that you Ask questions, get Answers, and then weigh the Benefits and the Cons of each option. The more you ask, the more you know, the more you know, the better equipped you are to make the right or the best “right now” plan for you and your partner.
Identifying the ABCs and deciding when, where, and what treatment to embark on can take time and work. We often see women and couples who are in the throes of infertility treatment struggling with these decisions. This “lost in limbo land” phenomenon can be debilitating, depressing, and overwhelming. In many cases, couples/individuals are not only wrestling with what sort of fertility treatment plan to choose, but also simply accepting that they are in our office and are going to need fertility help. And sometimes it’s not that they MUST do fertility treatments in order to get pregnant, but rather that they are frustrated and more than ready to increase their chances each month.
And to make matters worse, imagine that someone might be telling you that you won’t be able to use your own eggs or your partner’s sperm or your own uterus. It can be devastating. While we don’t expect an immediate decision, we do want to help you find the tools and the answers that you need to come to that decision. We promise you: the sooner you make up your mind and can initiate treatment, the sooner you are on the path to what you really want—becoming a parent.
Closing the chapter on any phase, any age, any idea, or any process is no easy task. It takes time; it is a process. There may be denial, there may be anger, and there may be grieving. If you are feeling or have felt any of these emotions when dealing with treatment decisions, we are here to assure you that they are normal. And getting the right support can help. Making peace with what has happened in the past will help you move into the future, forward in the treatment process, and ultimately help you out of the dreaded “limbo land.”
The buffet has many options—fruits, veggies, pasta, pizza, chicken, steak, and fish (and don’t forget dessert!) Where to start, what combo to include, when to end, and how many times you should go back for more is really up to you. Your doctor will be your guide as you navigate your choices, but ultimately you put the food on your plate. No one can tell you when or how you will have your family. You just have to keep exploring the options available to you. Listen to your gut, and remember your ABCs. They will help you as you review the menu and decide what’s best to order!